heres the things i meant...

I just thought about.... what horrible friends I have.
I don't have any good friends. I have my boyfriend. I'm going to end up alone. Shit.

School is not for me. I'm taking a year off of college. No more cheerleading, no more sorority. I'm trying to get a job, but I feel like a mess. The only thing that's keeping me sane is my boyfriend. I can't believe how long it took for all the tradgedy to finally effect me, and it's taking longer to go away. I'm terrible with money, too. That's not going to be good if I end up not being able to go back to school. I didn't think that was an option until my mom kept bringing it up that she never went to college and she's been working hard since she was 16. I'm not my mom, I want to be able to use what I have and my talents to actually DO something. Not own a maid service or sell houses. That's not what I want to look forward to.

I have a prom daaaaaaaaaate

I have a cast on my hand, because it is broken.
I get it off Feb 12th which is 3 days before we leave for nationals in Atlanta.
I am praying that my thumb is totally healed by then, and I stay.. or get.. in shape for it.
eek

So I'm in love with this boy.. and he doesn't know it of course..

but I hate him.

And right after I was about to post this.. I got an IM from him. Hmmmm.

JT broke up with Cameron, oh man, my chances are now 1/1,000,000 better than 0/1,000,000.

I got a lot of stuff I wanted for Christmas, last quarter is over and grades are out. I didn't get any A's, which is so weird for me. I am not going to be able to get into college. That is not a pity statement, it's just a fact that I keep saying so that I am not so upset later on and I can cope with it better. I am probably going to take summer classes so that I can get into state. If not... I am just gonna deal with ECU.

I tend to attract the d-bags, AND go after them. I guess they need lovin' too... darn you, you d-bags.

I'm also writing a philosophy thesis at this moment.

Oh, and I am trying to change my mind about who I tend to have dumb-middle-school-girl crushes on now. That's what this was about.
Meaning no more.. you know who.. and you know who number 2.

I had the worst day ever. I actually cried of embarassment. All because I forgot to take a stupid pill this morning. Thank you God, for messing up my brain and allowing it to be over anxious and depressed.

Also, I am single.